“If you’re not bruised, bloody, and muddy, you’re not doing it right” – Warrior Dash, Part 1

I tell my students that when they write how-to features, they should not tell the reader how much fun will accrue from doing the activity explained. I’m about to go against my own teaching.

THEWARRIORDASHWASSOSTINKINGAWESOMEANDYOUSHOULDDOITRIGHTNOW!!!

Warrior Dash: an event that grown men and women pay money to run 3.5 miles covered in mud, filth, and at least twelve (and in our case, thirteen) obstacles. When Kyle and his (male) coworkers signed up to participate in one two hours from our house (seriously, I drive 3.5 hours to attend my university, so, really, what’s two hours?), he asked me if I wanted to join, too. Naturally, I said yes. This is right up my alley: obstacles and running!

Even better was a (female) friend of mine was participating in the same wave as us. Why do I keep highlighting the male/female ratio? Because I was one girl in a group with twelve guys.

Oh, and those guys decided to dress up…as wrestlers.

Granted, dressing up as wrestlers is a cool idea…for guys. Kyle suggested I dress up as a WWE diva, but then he googled WWE diva. Hint: Don’t google WWE diva. Especially not in the picture category. Needless to say, I did want to wear more than a bathing suit to this event – even though, in practicality, a bathing suit would have suited this event quite nicely.

In the end, Kyle bought me a cheap running shirt at Walmart and ironed on the WWE diva logo. Simple and sweet.

He, however, as well as his colleagues, put effort, energy, time, and money in their costumes.

My husband and his coworkers

Sexy

I’d tell you the names of the wrestlers, but to be honest, I don’t know them. Kyle was Rick Flair. That’s as good as I can get.

We actually arrived at the Dash parking lot an hour and a half before our wave. Five hundred individuals start racing every 30 minutes. In each Warrior Dash event, there are around 10,000 individuals who compete.

YEAH. Crazy, right?

On the "shuttle" going to the site

Again, we got to the parking lot ninety minutes before our 2 p.m. wave. And we missed our wave. It took us about 45 minutes to get on the shuttle to go to the actual Dash site, another 20 minutes for the shuttle to drive TO the site, and then 20 minutes to check in and check our gear. And by that time, 2 p.m. had come and passed.

No problem! We just ran in the 2:30 p.m. wave. That’s one good thing about the Dash – as long as you’re there and sign the waiver, you can compete.

And let me go over some things you sign on a waiver…

·      I understand that the event course may contain wild animals, insects, and plants.

·      I understand, agree, and accept that some of the obstacles may go through water that has not been tested for chemicals, disease, or contamination.

·      I agree not to consume alcohol prior to the event or use any medicines or substances that will inhibit my mental or physical ability to effectively participate in the event.

It kind of cracked me up.

So we’re there at the site and we’re all taped up. People who hadn’t competed before kind of looked at us (me in particular, because of my weird taping) strangely, as we (especially me) used athletic tape to protect our elbows, knees, and hands.

We taped our shoes so they wouldn't come off in the mud.

 Yeah. We were SMART. My knees look like I’ve been through a car wreck today, and that was WITH athletic tape. Granted, as I mentioned in the title, if you’re not bruised, bloody, and muddy, you’re not doing it right. Don’t worry. I was all three after the race.

Me and Marla, pre-dash

The guys in front of the Warrior Dash sign

Me and Marla

Our 2:30 p.m. wave -- 500 people went out in each wave

We took a few pictures before the race, and there were lots of areas around that were very muddy pre-race…and individuals who had run the course already were stomping around in the mud like it was nothing. And I wondered then…Am I going to get to a point on this race where walking through that mud isn’t going to faze me in the slightest?

Why, yes, I would.

Lie No. 1 That I Told Myself: Those people with mud all over their faces, hair, and bodies had fallen down or chosen to get that muddy. You really don’t have to be that muddy.

What’s my motto folks?

If you’re not bruised, muddy, and bloody, you aren’t doing it right.

And turns out I would do it right.