What Not To Eat

I feel like I would be a bad friend on all accounts if, after trying a recipe that had great reviews, I did not tell the world how awful it was.

That’s right, folks – today we’re going to talk about my mistakes in the kitchen. Well, technically just one. Because I only made one (She’s got jokes!).

I found this really interesting blog post about low carb pizza. As my husband shouldn’t eat pizza at night because it runs his blood sugar up, I thought this would be a great alternative to ordering delivery from Domino’s. Plus, it CLAIMED to only have 7 grams of carbs in the ENTIRE PIZZA. That alone made me want to try it, because most meals don’t have just seven carbs.

Looks great, doesn't it? Looks can be deceiving...

To make the crust, which is where the carb problems come from, instead of using flour, you use flaxseed meal. I’ve used flaxseeds in cooking before, but never to create something like an entire crust. Usually it would be to add some fiber to my diet. Or just to make me feel better about eating a whole stack of pancakes. You get the idea.

Problem No. 1 arose when I discovered when putting the flax seed in that there were more than 7 grams of carbs in the 1.5 cups of flaxseed needed.

Hmmmm…

No problem, I thought. Maybe the writer of the recipe forgot to add a zero to the end, and she really meant 70.

NOPE.

Granted, in the end, there weren’t many carbs in the entire pizza – only about 100. That’s not bad, really, especially not for an entire pizza. Therefore, I was willing to keep cooking.

The pizza smelled great, too, from baking the crust to melting the cheese and meat. We were really excited. The crust looked a little more brown than the picture I had (it wasn’t burnt, it just was naturally that color, actually), but that’s fine, we said. We were willing to give anything a try.

And here’s the moral of the story: Don’t. Try. This. Pizza.

By distracting myself with watching reruns of “The Office” in which I tried to quote the entire episode by memory, I managed to swallow two pieces. Kyle, however, just couldn’t bear it. He tried, sweet husband, but I couldn’t blame him when he threw it away.

Guys, it was just bad. Just awful. Even now, two days later, I can still taste the bittery aftertaste in my mouth. The texture was fine, but it tasted very strong and bitter.

Some times experiments go wrong in the kitchen. This was one of those times.

But that’s okay. If you don’t try, how do you know it won’t succeed? =)