Thursday, July 19, 2012

The gift of repentance

I do my best repenting in the middle of the night.

Also, for those of you keeping up with “how many words can I not spell,” repentance is one, turns out. Thanks, spell check!

I knew it wasn’t going to be the best of nights. As I semi-jokingly texted a friend earlier in the day, I had a “horde” of items that needed to be forgiven.

And thankfully…He forgives.

I’ve noticed that my last few posts have delved into some religious aspect. This isn’t for any particular reason other than it’s what’s been on my mind lately. I write what I think, and I’m thinking about the church and Jesus. And, as evidenced last night about 3 a.m., it was about repentance.

I woke up in a cold sweat, humiliated and guilty over some of my sins from the previous day. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m fairly overwhelmed with guilt on a regular basis. And as I laid there in the dark wondering if I’d be able to go back to sleep, an evil thought crept in my head: “You deserve this. You know that, right? You deserve to get no sleep tonight.”

And I believed it…for a time.

Thankfully, though, I had attended Bible study last night. And we talked about repentance. And I spelled it with an “e” instead of an “a” every time in my study book. But here’s the greatest truth I took out of that lesson: Repentance is not a punishment. It’s a gift.

Repentance is a way for God to say, “Hey, it’s fine. You’ve turned around and come back to Me, and I love you. It’s okay.” That’s what I heard Him telling me last night – it’s okay. You’re forgiven. Let’s put it in the past and move on with life.

Do I deserve pain and suffering and the guilt? Of course. But Jesus died on a cross and took away my punishment. I don’t have to suffer for my mistakes; He already did. For me to believe that I deserve punishment is true. But for me to wallow in it is wrong. All I have to do is repent. And, honestly, I had never thought of it as a gift until Beth Moore stated it in our study video last night. But it really is.

Today, I woke up refreshed and ready to go. I ran three miles and drank iced coffee for breakfast. And, most importantly, I chatted it up with God. And I thanked him for last night, because it brought me closer to Him this morning.


sara said...

great post!!! It is truly a gift!

Brooke said...

"But for me to wallow in it is wrong." AMEN!

Reading Raggamuffin Gospel now, and my current chapter is dealing with the same stuff. genuine repentance. "sinners saved by grace" is two fold. accepting your brokeness but not remaining entrenched in sin.

Anonymous said...

You know I love it when you write from your heart like this. It is so incredibly amazing how beautiful grace is is and how He affirms His voice through one another.

Condemnation is such an ugly lie of the devil.

Rest in Him sista.

misti said...

I've been loving (and needing) to read your posts lately. You da best.

miss you!