Caffeinated Randomness: Quotes, Part III

At an area bookstore...
Customer: I'm buying this dictionary for the university. Do you give discounts for university-related purchases?
Bookstore manager: What grade level is that? 2nd? 3rd?

Friend discussing a co-worker: Sometimes he can be like the gum on the bottom of your shoe. You can’t get rid of the dang thing.

Joking around
Superman: I'm diabetic.
Me: I'm asthmatic.
Superman: Mine is worse.
Me: Uh uh. I can't have a cat because of mine.
Superman: (raises an eyebrow) Oh, really? I can't have a Kit Kat because of mine.

Student: I made a B in political science.
Me: How did you do in economics?
Student: Let's reflect for a moment on that B.

Playing Battle of the Sexes
Girls: On Sesame Street, who was Oscar the Grouch's girlfriend?
Boys: What? (Discuss among themselves) Okay, let's think about this logically. Who would date a green puppet who lived in a trashcan?
Boys: Amy Winehouse?

Rachel: Oh, just wait. You’re day is coming.
Me: I know, I know. Can't I just spit out a 3-year-old?
Rachel: I wouldn't advise it.

Discussing me running a half-marathon
Superman: I've seen you run.
Me: What's that supposed to mean?
Superman: Well...it makes me nervous.

Neighbor: I hate looking in people’s homes when their blinds are up. I just don’t like seeing what they’re doing.
Me: Really? I LOVE looking in people’s windows…see if they’re eating, what they’re watching on TV…
Superman: (whispers) Don’t be psychotic.

Cool Mike: There are some things you never want to do with your kids, like shake them or leave them alone –
Rindy: Or hold them upside down and then drop them, and then they have a concussion and have to go to the hospital.
Cool Mike: Sounds like a personal experience story.
Rindy: MAYBE.
Me: How old were you?
Rindy: Twelve.

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