I am so tired.
I have officially been a college professor for a week now, and I am fatigued. My patience has been strained to the breaking point by incessant demands on my professional and personal life, trying to juggle my current job and former position (because I’m so brilliant I can do both – haha), and dealing with the pure craziness that comes from a colleague who believes that somehow I have broken her computer (long story). It has been a challenging week.
My husband, who is usually my rock and support during these times, has also been a slight source of additional pressure, but for good reason. We are writing a book, and due to my other new responsibilities, I have been slacking.
During our lunch break today, I was (in a shrill voice, I wryly noticed) just giving him the full story of all my problems and how I was praying for patience and how my motto this week has become, “Jesus, help me!” I’ve been calling on him for strength, for patience, for assistance with an uncertain financial future – just for everything, really, which is how it should be. This week, though, my prayers have been a little more whiny than usual.
Now, let me point out that Hubby is the dreamer of the family. He reaches for the stars so at least he can touch the moon, he says. I, on the other one, am logical (though he may disagree…), practical, and fairly financially sound. So, on weeks like these when he’s talking about all of the items he hopes to buy when we land a multi-million dollar book deal (like I said, the boy dreams big), including: a house in Boston, a bigger house in our hometown (and he’s already looking at plots), and last, but certainly not least, an RV painted black and gold to represent his favorite NFL team, the Saints. The RV is the bane of my existence.
As he drove me back to work, he was mentioning some of these wishful purposes, and finally, hoping that I wouldn’t burst his beautiful bubble but maybe just downsize it a bit, I turned to him and said, “Hubby, you are making me nervous. You’re spending money we don’t even have!”
“Yet,” he added, though his face was slightly crest-fallen. “But you know I would never make a big financial purpose without consulting you.”
“I know that,” I assured him, “but right now, it makes me nervous and makes me think that you won’t be happy without those things.”
He shook his head. “I am very content right now,” he promised. “I just like planning, you know that.” He began to dream again. “We’re going to have a big house with a swimming pool and a hot tub…”
I gritted my teeth. “Jesus, help me!” I cried out, unable to contain my frustration any longer.
As I cried out for help, we passed a beautiful, brand new RV decorated – I kid you not – in Saints’ black and gold -- complete with a Saints sticker on the back.
My mouth dropped. Hubby began to laugh.
“'Ask and you shall receive,’” he quoted to me, still laughing.
And he’s so right. I’ve been so wrapped up this week in worrying about what’s-may-happen-when, with trying to be the perfect professor (more on that in a later blog), and trying to downplay what could be a huge financial windfall for us in the future. We have requested that friends and family pray for us, and we too have been discussing the book with God – so what am I so afraid of?
Friday, September 12, 2008
Ask and you shall receive...
I am so tired.