Student: Well, you know what they say – for every one person who dies, three people get pregnant. Or maybe it’s for every three people that die, one person gets pregnant.
Me: You might want to check the stats on that again.
Friend, mad that Starbucks closed at 8 p.m.: We need our coffee, crackheads!
Student, as she hands me bubble wrap: Here. It’s cheaper than therapy.
Student, to me: If you don’t give me at least a B, I’m going to egg your house.
Me: Well, you have to find it first.
Student editor: I’ve called all around, and people keep telling me to call someone else. Seriously, it shouldn’t be this hard to find out who got busted for pot!
Female student: I think I must have a twin walking around on campus. Everybody asked me if I had a boyfriend because they thought they saw me walking around with a chocolate guy, and I said, “No, I like caramel…maybe chocolate every now and then.”
Watching MTV’s “True Life: Newlyweds,” where they discuss how most couples argue about money
Hubby: Do we argue about money?
Me: No. We don’t have any to argue about.