Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Summer student quotes

Most of you who teach may be reading this by the pool, in your nice, quiet home, or while your sitting at a coffee shop sipping on a mocha. Lucky you. I, on the other hand, still see students every day and am teaching an online class. Therefore, without further ado, the summer edition of student quotes, including a best excuses section!

Colleague, interviewing a potential staff writer: Why do you feel that you can write?
Student: I have a lot of friends who write.

Student: There’s two really hot guys who both drive Lexuses…I mean Lexi.

Student: If I really wanted to get creepy about it, I could find out a lot about you.

About posing nude for money for a college art class…
Student: I’d do it. I don’t come cheap.
Me: They only pay $30 for four hours of work.
Student: That’s not cheap. That’s three *local restaurant* burgers.
Student: Marketing doesn’t look hard.
Me: Have you ever taken a marketing class?
Student: I took a public relations class. It’s the same thing, right?

Student: This place is nice. It’s like a gated community.
Other student: Those aren’t gates. Those are bars on the windows.

Student: What do you do in the CIA? What does that even stand for?

Student: I did bad on this midterm. I studied the wrong stuff.
Me: How? I told you everything that was going to be on it.
Student: I know…I just studied the wrong stuff.

Top three excuses for an online class:

Student: I can’t do the assignments because I’m on a cruise, and it’s $2 a minute to get online.
Me: A vacation does not constitute an excused absence.

Student: I didn’t do the assignments because I didn’t realize I was supposed to check my email every day.

Student sends me an email with the following:
“I’m sorry, but I can’t do the assignments because my Internet connection doesn’t work.”

Again. He/she sent me an EMAIL with that sentence.

Thank you, and good night!


Sommer said...

I'm dying...these may be some of my favorites yet. Now I'm going to go weep for America.

Brooke said...

i had something similar when i worked for a hotel chain. we required a faxed/signed document giving us permission to reprint/send out hotel stay information. dude INSISTED that he didn't have a fax. so i verified the credit card information and asked how he wanted me to send it to him.

you guessed it...VIA FAX.

also, i totally say the plural of my car is matrices (i drive a toyota matrix)

Rena said...

I always LOVE when you post your students' quotes!! Hilarious!

misti said...

Uhhh, best ever!! You need to teach all summer because obviously that's when the winners go to school!

misti said...

(says someone who frequented summer sessions)

Tara said...

Wait, I thought more than one Lexus were Lexi! Maybe I need to go back to school...

Anonymous said...

These students scare me... ha! {Update: I love my coffee pot, but I am not liking the regular coffee pod as much. You?}