Friday, April 3, 2009

Quotes for Caffeinated Randomness

Some of you might recognize a couple of these, but I threw in some new ones to keep the party going, haha.

Asking 5-year-old Austin* why we celebrate Easter…
Austin: “Because Jesus died on a cross, and he was put in a tomb, and he healed him.”
Me: “Wait, what? Jesus healed who, Austin?”
Austin: (exasperated) “The Easter bunny, of course!”
Me: “I knew you were going to say that.”

Me: "Do you think we're still considered newlyweds?"
Superman: "We'll always be newlyweds."

"I had a dream last night that I was working...I think I should get comp time for that." -- BFF

"At least when we go to my family reunions, we don't get chased by hookers." -- Me to Superman in New Orleans

Student, filling out forms for graduation: “Okay, this is a really dumb question, and you can laugh at me later…but what degree am I getting?”

…talking to a friend who is a new father…
Me: “I need to take Superdog to the vet soon to get her heartworm pills, and then I’ll need to take her again in a couple of months for her yearly check-up.”
Friend: “I’m so glad we got rid of our dog, and I don’t have to do that anymore.”
Me: “Right, cause now you have a kid…”
Friend: “Oh, yeah…”

Dealing with the whole taking-p*rn-Web-sites-off-my-student-newspaper-site...
Superman: “Hey, have you thought about what you want for dinner?”
Me: “I haven’t had a chance to think. I’m removing p*rn Web sites.”
(a few minutes later)
Me: “I’m about to chew out some of my students who are working on the newspaper.”
Superman: “Why?”
Me: “They’re lazy and I hear rumors that they think I'm showing sports preference because I'm married to you. First p*rn, now I'm sleeping with the assistant SID – if only they were lies.”

BFF, watching Bridezillas: “She’s just cranky because she’s hungry.”

"Do you know how to say angel in Spanish? Superdog." -- Superman, playing with the pooch one morning

"Psycho people are like decaf coffee. They have no purpose in my life except to annoy me, and to make me gag." -- Misti

...and for funsies...

"I've read the last page of the Bible. It's all going to turn out all right." -- Billy Graham

For more Caffeinated Randomness, visit Andrea!


Tanya said...

I love this list, very funny! Especially the Easter bunny. And your husband is so sweet too.

Wendi @ Every Day Miracles said...

Ha! Good stuff. Caffeine and random - a good combination. :)

Mari said...

Great list of quotes!

septembermom said...

The Easter Bunny one is funny! I like your hubby's Bridezilla observation too. Those brides really go off the deep end a lot!

Anonymous said...

The Easter Bunny had me totally cracking up!! Oh, and the decaf coffee one. So very true.

Kristen said...

Highly. Hilarious.

Sara@i.Sass said...

Do you have a notebook you write these down in? I'd could never remember all that! I barely remember what I had for dinner last night!
Um, please don't use that as a quote it makes me sound like I have alzheimers.

Rach@In His Hands said...

You always have the best quotes!! What a sweet hubby you have!

Falling Around said...

I love the quote from the new dad! Laugh out loud funny, funny, funny!

Yep, sure is a good thing he got rid of that little nuisance... :-)

Beth@playinwiththepaulsens! said...

these are great! thanks for the laughs!

Chatty Kelly said...

I LOVED THIS! I was smiling at every one. Such cuteness in your life. I think I'd love your BFF too. Can I hang out with y'all???

Have a great weekend.

Brooke said...

lol @ Jesus healing the Easter bunny